30 August 2018

Starting Fresh

So, I’m thinking about making this a true blog.

What does that mean? I feel like saying “fuck if I know,” but that’s a lie, because I do know, a little bit.

“I don't know what I think until I write it down.”

– Joan Didion

I’ve heard variants of this idea many times. Sometimes when I get caught up in my own brain, I can’t untangle the mess until I sit down and write it out. Often enough the problems are mostly nonsense, and writing is the easiest way to push those irritating things out of my head so I can focus on something else.

It carries over into fiction writing too, and is one of my biggest bugaboos, as I like to know what I’m writing before I write it.

Ah … that’s not completely true. Often with erotica I think of something that makes me horny and I start writing. Easy as pie. It’s the larger stories, the dreaded novel where I get overwhelmed with possibilities and get stuck somewhere in the early stages.

All that is grist for future writings.

I’m still wondering why I want to do a blog.

I do feel drawn to it. The idea of writing something every day. Yes, I could journal or do morning pages, except, no, that hasn’t worked so far.

And why would I want to put something out there that I have to edit? With journaling I’m encouraged to write garbage. With a blog I’m noticing that the jump from the last paragraph to this one was a little abrupt. And now I’m wondering about the phrase “a little” as it’s the sort of thing that supposedly weakens good writing.


Here’s why I’m writing a blog. Because I’m fucked up and there must be others out there that are fucked up in similar ways to me. Maybe I can help them.

Or maybe I can help myself.

What the fuck do I know?